I feel your pain, my father passed away May 4th and we were best friends, roomates, went on adventures together, dreamed about getting rich everyday... It has been a month and it still sucks, but the excruciating pain is less. I do not think it gets better totally but know that it is ok to feel bad and guilty and cry and be miserable. Let it out, but do not dwell on the last days. Do not think of the dying, think of him living and all the good memories. I pray for you and your sobriety and whatever brings you happiness and peace. Take care and KEEP GOING do not quit.